If you don’t consummate a good, nay, GREAT contract, you will forever be screwed. THINK before you sign! Delay! Don’t sign if you are doubtful!

I don’t mean my syndicate, even though that is the most recent contract I signed. The one I have most regrets about was offered by an editor, a big editor, but not as big as he or she thinks he or she is. Someone who promised me the moon before the gig started. Someone who said I was the one who gave (him, her) the IDEA for doing it.

Oh, I tried. I’ve actually studied contracts, and done some pretty good ones. This contract is probably the worst I’ve ever seen. I stood my ground, offered one with better terms, and even complained, in my charming way. But I was too eager, too trusting, and, yes, too hungry. So I signed it.

Now here I sit, with my crust of bread.

This week from my editors:

• One editor was very apologetic to say that her paper was cutting back, and so they couldn’t use my cartoon for a while. (However, since I’m the only cartoon in there, and we have a really good rapport, I think she’ll be back.)
• One editor never let me know about the batch of cartoons I emailed last month. I even called about them. Finally, I emailed to ask again about them, and she said, “we rejected those weeks ago, Donna! I hope we can get your work back on track soon.” That’s chutzpah! A rejection, an insult, and a lie, all in one email! She has lied at least twice more this year about emails – never letting me know the verdict, so I don’t send any more, since I’m waiting to hear. What can you do about a liar? Truly, I understand when editors don’t like my work – fine, screw ‘em. But this is more passive-aggressive. Please, people, don’t fold on that important contract!!
• I have an interesting, different kind of contract sitting on my desk, but haven’t made any progress in getting changes I want (need).
• An art director for a law magazine said my work looks great!

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One might consider this an example of poor boundaries on my end, or simply showing my hand, but I’m going to divulge a little trick that cartoonists or writers might want to use when working with an editor.

Act as if paying that month’s rent isn’t all that. Have fun in spite of the tanking stock market. Be playful.

I wrote to an editor that has never bought any cartoons from me before. After listing some key positives about my writing and cartoons,  and encouraging her to buy something, I closed with this:

As the 1-800 Dentist might say, “Seriously. It’s time.”

Most likely she laughed and laughed, as she hit the delete button.

(This assumes you know the 1-800 Dentist ads. I love them so much, with that wise-cracking east coast actress,  [Suzi Barrett, according to the 1-800 Dentist himself, who comments below!] that I turn the sound on for them. I can’t wait for new ones!)