If he wants to go any further with me. Well, there’s probably more than one. But I’ll let you guess at some of the others.

Here’s the question some – just a few, mind you – guys can’t resist asking me, as soon as they find out I’m a cartoonist:

“That’s cool. So…. do you actually make a living doing that?”

Is there anything ruder? It’s always when we first meet, too. Are they just now considering it as a career?

And often they had been flirting with me earlier, so there was a little buzz going on between us up til then. Good luck, pally, and adios.

Syndicated cartoonists make an ok living at 100 papers, and good at 200, so I’m told. Magazine cartoonists (which is what I do mostly, although I am in some papers, books, etc.) did well back in the fifties, when there were tons of magazines around that used cartoons every week! Sigh. Even when I started, the Cartoonists Association want list, defunct for a long time now, had varied magazines that were buying. Like Bulletin of the Atomic Scientist – I think they’re still around, but I have no idea what they really were looking for. And I remember an opera quarterly that was always looking. I would think to myself, there’s an interesting niche. Even though I hate opera, loathe it. Still, it made me happy it was out there, happily looking for cartoons that someone else would have to think up and draw!

And the New Yorker guys – it’s still mostly guys, and why shouldn’t it be? – do very well. I could go on and on here about how bitter I am about THAT, but I fear I may spiral out of control and end this post on a really down note.

My father is a Sagittarius, so sometimes he’s a little blunt, but I appreciate his advice:

“Don’t worry about it. All artists are 50% more famous when they die.”

Now, that’s the cheerful spin I inherited, and intend to share with others in this blog.

I like the theatre. Spelled re.

Me. /small voice.

An important editor is coming to LA on Wednesday, and we’re going to meet for the first time. EEk!! My first thought: what should I wear? I mean, I know what I SHOULD wear: a summer frock and high strappy sandals. But I don’t have a frock, and my sandals are at the dry cleaners. Really, what should I wear?

And I’ve been working out more for a month. Not just running, but yoga and ballet, too. I can see a little difference, but not enough to make me happy. I’ve also been whitening my teeth, but those strips are so annoying, I keep “forgetting” to put them in each day. I got a haircut, too! Some days it looks good. Better do something about my nails, too.

But it’s not just the looks, oh no. It’s what to talk about. I need to ask for a raise. Renegotiate. But I don’t want to be crass, in my not-summer frock. If I was thinner, I’d wear a dress with lots of spring colorful flowers on it, to distract him from business. I remember one like this from 8th grade… Maybe I should wear a headband.

I rarely meet editors out here. I’ve met only a couple in NY. I met both of my book editors at BookExpo, so that was fun. I’m honestly curious about them, and I think I’ll just pepper him with questions about himself and his glamorous job. Marty Murphy said firmly, “Just be yourself.” Okay, maybe I’ll try that one, too.

*Update: Meeting is postponed until Labor Day week. Phew! I hurt my toe in my nervousness, so I’m hobbling a bit, anyway.

______________________

A male friend writes:

Good luck with your big meeting. Be optimistic! Remember that you’re incredibly talented, intelligent, charming, pretty, thin, etc., etc.!!

And don’t forget to wear a headband!!! (That always works.)

My canary has a good relationship with the sun.

My parakeet likes me, but he’s disappointed; I’m just not that smart. WHY won’t I do what he wants me to?? He wants to be out when it’s not time to get out. He wants attention, right now. He wants me to play with me. Why am I talking on the phone, when he’s just a few yards away? He wants bare toes to tickle, and to bother the canary. He’ll screech and make really annoying burp-y chirps to try to get his way, and if there’s one spot I don’t want him, like on the canary’s cage, he will fly back to that spot over and over. And over.

He understands I’m bigger and stronger; if I tower over him, he’ll give a little whimpering peep. And he’s smart enough to learn what I want, but what’s the point in doing that? Unless there’s absolutely no other option – he’ll do it his way.

My canary doesn’t think he can change anything in life. Things will either go his way, or they won’t. He’s patient with the wisdom of hundreds of years in cages. Maybe it’s because canaries can’t attack very well; their beaks are quite weak and feel like a gentle poke, should you, say, have to pick him up because he forgot how to get back in his cage, when exercise time was over.

He’s really just happy to be here. Even if he has to sit in the back of the bus – he’s delighted he found a seat at all.

Q: Dennis and Roberta Keesey wrote to me, asking:

• My wife and I have come up with a series of panel cartoons but unfortunately we have not found an outlet. Being realistic, and yet still believing in their value, we have come to the conclusion that maybe the best way is to sell them to other cartoonists. We were wondering as to whether or not you happen to be in that group that accept other ideas or whether individual creativity remains a priority.

A: No.

I’m not sure whether “individual creativity remains a priority”, or it’s just that I need to eat, and think I’m the best cartoonist I know. Or at least, the funniest. Or maybe, the only one I like to give money to.

I suspect that at least 75% of magazine single-panel cartoonists don’t write their own material, however, and might be happy to see your ideas. (I would be happy to be proven wrong on that number, btw.)

But since you already have them drawn up, ready for market, don’t give up trying to sell your own work! Try your local paper, or throwaway or alternative. They really do like to support local talent. And let me know what happens!