Like a nose job or boob job, but not as permanent.

Topic for Illustration Friday: artificial.

grey hair cartoon

Btw, the TWOP boards are suggesting that after Ali finished the Bachelorette she got a nose job.

I have no opinion to offer on this. I never even notice people’s noses, except if they are particularly large. I ran into Michael Richards while he was still taping Seinfeld, in a used book store in North Hollywood. He had ordered an art book for his wife.

Of course I was thrilled to see him – Seinfeld was at it’s height of popularity at the time – but standing next to him, I was shocked, I mean really, at the size of his nose. That was the main thing I remember about him. Later I ate at the Stinking Rose, in Beverly Hills, and they have portraits of large-nosed people, and his portrait was there.

There is a female cartoonist who shall remain nameless, who has the biggest nose I’ve ever seen on a woman. Again, I was shocked, and felt bad and embarrassed for her. Yes, in this case she should have gotten it fixed. She’s very successful – she can afford it.

Ali, I don’t know. Before a nose job she should have paid for a good haircut, lose the stinking extensions, and LEARN HOW TO DRESS. I have never seen someone dress so badly ever, when she has a really good figure.  Sad.

The Bachelor and Bachelorette forums on Television Without Pity (TWOP) should be fun. Right? The show is a ridiculous idea, dramatically staged, and at least recently, nice eye candy in different countries. The mainly women audience is full of  stories of our own durm and strang in the dating trenches. Or, it should be, if it wasn’t being constantly chided and squashed and slashed by the worst, most overcontrolling mod on TWoP, Barnes. What a witch, and I’m so tempted to use the b word.

bachelorette ali on jimmy kimmel

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That is one of the most popular names on Television Without Pity (TWOP). The other one is bitchface, most often used to describe dancers (only women, of course) on DWTS who don’t smile enough. Pageant like. Because a beautiful woman who doesn’t smile is…dangerous? I’ve never figured that out.

But I think last night was the first time I heard a reality star use it herself on TV, when Vienna called Jake a famewhore in the first 2 minutes on the Bachelorette. (Note to Mike Fleiss: I don’t like ambiguity in the start times of MY tv. Make the show an hour or a half, but don’t split it at 40 minutes or whatever. It doesn’t become you.)

vienna and jake before, from People Mag

Apparently, I’m the only one in the civilized reality TV watching world that thinks Vienna is trash. I liked her on Jake’s show, and I liked her with Jake, although I didn’t like Jake. I was interested that they poked him to be on Dancing with the Stars, though, and I found myself rooting for him there! I thought he’d be a big fat instant Fail, because he’s not much of a body/toucher/mover boy, but he has instinctive rhythm and grace, tried really hard, and was actually much better than many of the other amateurs.  I was really disappointed when he was voted out.

Also: unlike most of the TWOPers, I thought Chelsea was the douche as her dancing partner. Wow, totally lost respect for her (and for Tony, with Kate Gosselin.) They are supposed to be supportive pro teachers, figuring out how to bring out the best from their partners. If you can’t teach, leave, and just perform in the pro dances. I mean, wth, don’t start fights with your partner in that arrogant way.

Anyway, was sad to hear Jake and Vienna split, but SHOCKED to hear she actually sold the details of her sex life to a tabloid!!! Okay, you can drop the “fame” part of that word, now. Wow, how low-class can you get.

Again, no one on TWOP agrees with me, so thank goodness I have my little blog! :)

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I have to say a few words about this season’s Bachelor, starring Jake (the pilot, not Body By Jake, who is a famous personal trainer here in LA. Maybe all over, I don’t know.)

First of all, he is so not my type. He should be, blond and blue-eyed, fit, with a nice balanced body, okay hair. I mean, look at my 3-year long and counting crush on Derek Hough, right? But Jake, no. It’s all I can do to muster up even finding a photo of Jake to post here…

He was boring on my Jillian’s show, and looks to carry on his legacy on this one. I really don’t mind his putting God first. I do, too. But it’s no sense of humor, no interests besides flying, riding his stupid motorcycle and doing dangerous stunts, and a kind of judgmental attitude he seems to have. But prove me wrong, Jake, I don’t mind.

The 25 women tonight are all jumbled in my head, like a bowl of hard candies in wrappers. Read more »